I got a massage yesterday.
Yeah, and?
Well, it was a bigger deal for me than
you may think.
Part of creating this online space is that I want to be authentic and real, and give you permission to do the same, or at least know that you are NOT ALONE in your struggles, whatever they may be. While I won’t go into detail details, (not that I won’t eventually, but just not the time), bottom line is…I have anxiety.
About 4 years ago, life got overwhelming. Looking back, it was already there, the anxiety. But, I didn’t know it, or maybe didn’t recognize that’s what it was. And then, 2020. It was a trigger for all of us, but in addition to that thing we were all dealing with, I was also slammed with multiple other concerns that caused my mind and body to exist in a place of constant fear.
It was basically debilitating. Oh sure, I went on with life, did all the things. But, I couldn’t go one moment in my day without a constant reel in my head of thoughts that consumed me. I woke up with it and went to sleep with it.
Nothing helped.
And then, there was the time we went away for a “relaxing” weekend with another couple. I scheduled a massage for myself, hoping it would be a positive experience. Yeah. Not so much.
I’ll broad brush it, but basically, it was awful. Something that is typically renewing and calming, was anything but. So many times during that hour, I thought I should say something and stop it. But I didn’t. I just kept praying to get through it, I prayed and I prayed for God to help me. I prayed for an answer to why this was happening to me. I prayed for a sign. What can I do? I can’t live like this anymore.
So, the hour passed, and I went back to our hotel room where I proceeded to have yet another meltdown to my husband, who, bless his heart, never understood my struggle, but tried, and the answer became very clear to me after this “rock bottom” experience, that I needed help. Everything I had been doing to “get better” was simply not working, so, I made an appt with my doctor and medication was prescribed. There are A LOT of details that are a part of this season of my life, but bottom line, I’m in a better place today.
I’m on a journey of learning about my body, and my mind, how they are for sure connected, and how my relationship with Jesus and my faith are so vital to me. It’s ongoing, not over. And, it will be ongoing, probably for the rest of my life. I still have anxiety as a part of my story, it is not gone. But, one thing I have discovered is that life on this earth is made of seasons that will come and will go, both good and not so good. Sometimes, it simply doesn’t feel like it, but time does help, and the ability to look back and learn from our experience helps.
So, yesterday, I got a massage.....and a detox foot bath, and had a lovely chat with my massage therapist. It was good, and I had not one bit of anxiety. It was relaxing and so needed, and I am grateful. I have another one scheduled for next month.
So…..inhale deep through your nose, blow out slowly through your mouth.
We can wake up each day and do this. Life is hard, full of unexpected seasons that we didn’t ask for, but we can grow through what we go through and allow it to shape us into a truer version of who we really are. YOU are not alone in your suffering, you may think you are, but you’re not.
Don’t be afraid to get help, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone, believe that things can get better, even if you’re just convinced they won’t, know that life is unpredictable, but God IS THERE with you in the dark, the dim and the light.
Dawn