A crik in my neck.

I am dealing with quite the crik in my neck this morning.  Sleeping in another bed has always been quite the challenge for me and for my husband.  We are extremely devoted to “our bed”.  We bought the bedroom set and mattress when we got married and the extra investment in a quality mattress has proven time and time again to have been a good decision.  We have slept on this king sized pillow top mattress for 21 years and some change. 

We love it, and, we don’t love it when we sleep on anything else. 

So…as I attempt to turn my neck to the left or the right and feel a stabby pain at every attempt, I’m just wishing it would go away, and I am grateful that I am back in my own comfortable, predictable, reliable bed once again and I know this crik will eventually relax and release the tension it’s currently holding.

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The conference was called She Speaks 2024.  A gathering of Christian communicators, there were hundreds of women who gathered together over a couple of days to listen and learn from other Christian communicators who are doing this very well, and to get to know others who have a calling to reach other women in various formats.  There were authors, bloggers, social media influencers, retreat leaders, pastors, mental health professionals, you name it….they were represented there.  All women from all walks of life in all seasons of life who feel a calling to share Jesus. Some have been doing this work for years, and others who are just beginning and trying to find their way on this path.

I didn’t really know quite what to expect.  This was a new experience for me.  But I really felt like God was telling me to go. We began with worship.  A few songs were sung that I wasn’t familiar with, and then we were asked to open the front cover of our She Speaks booklet and write down why we were here. 

This is what I wrote:

“Why am I here?  I am feeling unworthy.  All these women in this room, singing and worshiping and I’m just standing here wondering if I am good enough?  Am I faithful enough?

My mind started providing plenty of reasons why I didn’t belong there, but I kept listening and learning and observing the women surrounding me, both on stage and at the tables around me.  Each presenter shared their heart with us and the journey that they have experienced and how it has led them to where they are now. 

There was a common theme that emerged through each woman there.  One of the conference leaders shared with the group that they have a bit of an idea what each presenter was going to talk about, but they didn’t know for sure what message they would bring.  So, it was clearly Divine that the overarching message of all of the words given were woven together so beautifully.

Lysa Terkeurst shared a powerful message about the story of Abigail (a story I was not familiar with at all by the way), and how she did what she was able to do and let God do the rest.  Lysa shared some raw, honest personal moments from her life that could easily have ruined her faith.  And she challenged us to ask ourselves if we truly believe in the goodness of God.

Grace Wabuke Klein spoke of seasons….winter, spring, summer and fall, and how God can work in each of them in beautiful ways. 

A panel talking about language reminded us that the gospel and the human condition have not changed in all of time. 

Alicia Britt Chole spoke of day faith and night faith and how incredibly valuable the night is to deepening our relationship with Jesus and how it deepens our love and ability to connect with others. 

Jordan Lee Dooley taught that we all have one calling, but there are literally countless ways to carry it out and made us write down that we belong here.  Her vulnerability about her infertility struggle was authentic and real. 

Dr. Joel Muddamalle helped us understand that we are all theologians, because theology is simply thinking Gods thoughts after Him, and that’s what we are all doing in our own unique ways, even if we don’t think we are…we are.

Threads of heartbreak, failure, relationship brokenness, death, sickness, feeling unworthy and unlovable, having so much doubt and being brutally honest with God came out of every story. 

Also, believing in the goodness of God, and the assurance of knowing He is there and working in every season, even and especially the night was evident in every story too.

The conference hosts gave the group question to discuss at our tables. As I spoke to the women at my table during this time, very quickly each woman’s vulnerability and uncertainty emerged.  There were women at my table who had lost husbands, lost their church, were praying for a relationship to come into their lives, who needed clarity and direction on next steps.  As I listened to their stories and they listened to mine, I was once again reminded of a truth I have always known.

We are more alike than different.  We all want to be known, loved, accepted and heard.  We all have struggles and have seen dark nights.  Our stories all have meaning and purpose.

I also gained a deeper realization that we cannot wait until the pain, the struggle, the darkness, the difficult season, the “you name the situation” is better or over to invite God in and allow Him to work in it.  Alicia Britt Chole wrote her book ‘The Night is Normal’ while sitting at the bedside of her dying mother. 

We may need to be in a season of quiet, and rest, or grief and sadness and that is normal.  We don’t always have to be producing something visible.  Sometimes the most beautiful growth happens in the winter when everything is bare, but not barren.  Appearing vulnerable but in a time of nourishing roots until the spring and flourishing summer.

So…

This crik in my neck.  A seemingly minor result of sleeping in an uncomfortable bed that I was not used to. 

This conference, a step outside of what is comfortable and caused some moments that I didn’t want to feel.

Will I survive?  Yes.  Will the pain pass?  Yes.  Did I learn and grow because of it?  Absolutely.  Was it worth the unwanted feelings and uncomfortable bed?  100% 

Is it going to help me for the present and future?  I believe it will, with God by my side.

So I want to ask you to consider some questions for your own journey right now.

What season do you feel you are currently in? 

A winter, spring, summer or fall?  A night, or a day?

What can you do right now with what you have available to you?  Do you the capacity to reach out to another in love and support? 

Or, are you in a season where you need to be the one someone reaches out to?

Do you truly believe in the always and forever goodness of God?  Even if…… (It’s ok if you don’t.)

Where do you find yourself comparing?  Where do you tend to feel unworthy?  What truths masquerading as lies are you currently believing about yourself or your circumstance?

Do you long for someone to hear your story?  The real story, not the crafted, “acceptable” version?  Does the idea of telling someone your struggle make you feel scared or relief?  Why?

Are we as women helping or hurting with the words and stories we share? 

Are we protecting an image that we think others expect of us?  What’s holding us back from being vulnerable? 

Questions like these need to be answered by each one of us.  You may not feel a calling to be a communicator for a living.  But we are all communicating something to those around us.  What do you want that message to be? 

Are you willing to shed some pride to risk helping another.  Is the Holy Spirit prompting you to have a honest conversation or reveal that thing that has been a secret for years? 

I don’t know.  I don’t know your struggle, your circumstance.  But, there’s a need in this world my sister.  A true and urgent need for the truth of Jesus to be proclaimed, and I believe for our lives to be more transparent for own on sake, and for the sake of others who need to know they are not alone. 

Think about it, consider these questions, step out of that comfortable place and know that pain and night and winter a but a season and they will pass, but they may also be nourishing to your weary soul.

Amen and amen,

Dawn