On this day.

Mother’s Day.

I have conflicting feelings about this.

These designated days that we are supposed to celebrate things can be muddy waters. 

I think about so many women on this day. 

The woman who lost her child, in the womb…from an accident…from sickness…from suicide…from addiction.  The woman who never carried a child in her womb and desperately wanted to and watched everyone around her get their babies and she never did.  The mom who lost her kids because she was drowning in her own trauma and the weight of coping, and the lack of support pushed her to make choices she regrets every moment of every day.  The woman who lost her own mother this year.  The woman that doesn’t get a visit or a call or even a text and wonders where she went wrong.  The woman who has chosen not to have children and gets ridiculed for it. The mom who aborted a child or gave one up for adoption and dreams of what could have been. 

As a very empathetic mother of 4, I have found myself at times feeling almost guilty for my motherhood on this day, or at least for celebrating it (too much).  Has life been perfect?  Of course not.  Am I currently and have I in the past had some pretty major issues with my children, yep.  Could it get worse, of course, can’t it always?  But…overall, I have had a beautiful mothering experience, and I am so immensely grateful for that.  All I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother.  Truly.  It’s part of my purpose, I know that in my bones.  It has been such a blessing.  So, of course, my heart aches for any woman whose motherhood has been painful or tragic or not what they thought it would be or wasn’t at all. 

But hear me when I say, that if you have also had a beautiful motherhood; if it has been a part of your story that you thank God for everyday because of how much you love this calling, and that you feel so blessed that God chose you to be the mama these kids got…me too sister, me too!  If this is you, you know that everyday is Mother’s Day.  We have the great privilege of being the home of these precious babies until they are born and we nurture and love and kiss toes and boo boos and read stories and tuck in and all the millions of moments watching these souls grow and….well, if you know, you know.  You can’t even put words to it.  It’s a gift.  A gift that only mothers get to have.

And then…someone designates a day.  With great intentions I’m sure.  But…it’s just…(sigh). 

I mean, is it just me, or does it seem that days like this come with some unrealistic expectation that it’s supposed to be the best day ever? Visions of breakfast in bed, or maybe a lovely lunch, an afternoon nap, a fresh bouquet of flowers, and everything is perfection.  And then when it lacks the luster we think it should have, it kinda falls flat.  But, because we don’t want to be the ungrateful mom who makes everyone feel bad we put on a smile and find the silver lining.

 Or, the reasons why it’s not a day you look forward to are magnified as you think about the “perfect day” the women who seem to “have it all” are having, and you are alone and wishing the day would just be over already.

BEAUTIFUL. UGLY. LOVELY. UNLOVELY. PERFECT. RUINED. SPLENDID. DREADFUL. HAPPY. SAD. CRAZY TRAGIC SOMETIMES ALMOST MAGIC.

THIS. IS. REAL. LIFE.

Where is this headed, is there a life lesson in here somewhere?  Some pearl of wisdom? 

I don’t have any answers, but I sure have a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings about it all if you couldn’t tell!  There is NO TIME for fake, sugar coated, filtered pretending. 

When life is full of good, feel it, allow it to be good.  It’s ok to be happy and laugh and be in a great season of life!  When it’s not, feel that too, and don’t apologize for it. Celebrate mamas who are amazing at what they do and cry with those whose story is hard.  Go for a perfectly imperfect lunch with the family you love, but give a hug and a kind word to the woman you know is going home alone.  There’s room for all of us, and all of our situations and all of our realities. 

WE NEED EACH OTHER. 

WE NEED TO SHOW THE WOMEN IN OUR LIVES THE REAL US. 

WE NEED TO KNOW WE ARE SEEN, HEARD, AND LOVED AND EXTEND THAT BASIC HUMAN NEED TO THOSE IN OUR MIDST.

BEING VULNERABLE AND AUTHENTIC WITH OTHER WOMEN YOU TRUST ISN’T WEAK OR EMBARASSING.  IT OPENS US UP TO DEEPER CONNECTION AND COMMUNITY.

BE THE WOMAN TO OTHERS YOU WANT THEM TO BE TO YOU.

EVERYONE IS AFRAID OF REJECTION OR LOOKING STUPID…KNOW THAT.

WE WERE CREATED FOR COMMUNITY AND RELATIONSHIP, NOT ISOLATION.  CREATE IT…TAKE THE UNCOMFORTABLE STEP TO REACH OUT…YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR LIFE OR SOMEONE ELSE’S.

Love love love one another,

Dawn